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|Friday, December 19th, 2008|
|The zombie got quiet.
I was screaming something at him about money and expectations and how he should just shut the hell up. I got a little too close to the 'fridge - pointing menacingly at his purple eyeball as it stared up at me through the doorframe. Somehow the little bugger got a frenzied grip on the door and smashed my finger. It bled. It actually popped like delicious home-made raspberry vodka streaming down the side of a strainer. I know this because after I stopped swearing and screaming I saw what is left of his tongue lapping up my blood like it was a peppermint stripe on the battered enamel.
And then - quiet.
At least I now know what he wants. It's only my blood. Good thing I manufacture that on a regular basis. I just hope he doesn't want it all at once - you know? I can feed it to him on a schedule, or maybe as I have some extra... um, blood?
I think the quiet is getting to me.
|Thursday, December 4th, 2008|
|And then there was the crazy.
My creativity is maniacal. It's a rabid, fetid, frenzied zombie that I locked in a 50's style refrigerator a long time ago. It's tough and it can't die. It rambles and screams at night. It makes noises like 20 horny cats. It can't be stopped or reasoned with. It can't be killed. I love it and I hate it because it is ugly, uncouth, and entirely uncivilized. It doesn't know how to have a job, make friends or collaborate. It is voracious and super-human.
The refrigerator is shot. The once glossy enamel paint has split into leaden-grey seams with the rivets popping like Dali-esque bow ties. The huge chrome handle has been scratched and splintered by the great straining chains holding the door closed. It's becoming worn and fragile.
When my creativity finally emerges, starved and enraged after 10 years of neglect - will I taste good?
|Wednesday, October 8th, 2008|
|My Fan Letter.
I don't usually write fan letters, in fact, this is the first one I've ever written. So, I guess this is a pretty big deal for me. I feel like I've known you all my life - and I guess I have at some level. How could I help it?
Anyway, I'm a big fan. I think it was awesome how you survived high school. I know it was a total survival situation - I saw how you were ostracized and teased. I saw the prejudice and anti-intellectualism that was leveraged against you and how it affected you. I think surviving was a great achievement. I followed your musical career back then too. You were star in that little shoebox of a show-box and I'll bet that felt great! You decided you wanted to be on the radio, and I'll be damned if you didn't work for a radio station right out of high school. That was amazing to me - but you weren't done. You went to college for broadcast communications and got a degree in Psychology too just because there was time. You had to work your way through college, and you did it with style in the computer lab. How many other psychology majors taught themselves to program basic at age 10?
I loved that you graduated from college in 4 years, with a double major, with no debt and high alcohol tolerance. It's amazing that you're the first male in your family to graduate from college, and I'm impressed that you did it. I'm also impressed with how you did it. You were active in the radio station, hosting multiple shows and acting as the station engineer for 3 years. You were active in your fraternity, the house manager reigning in brothers and keeping the house (well, ok - barely) together. There were growth pains, but you started blossoming then.
I'm also impressed with the decisions you made after college. There were some difficult ones. While you could have gone to graduate school, you needed something different and dived into the corporate world with a splash.
I loved your movies from CompuserveCD and Multimedia World Live. It's a hoot that you were a poster boy for AV and Multimedia Producer magazine. Why did you stop making movies?
It took great courage to drive all the way across the country by yourself, to an uncertain future at Microsoft. I rooted for you all the way. Since then, you've been making great money and building your life. I've watched as you built expertise in tons of new technologies. I was proud of you when you got out a bad marriage and I'm even more proud of you now as you take care of a good one. It's great that you learn from your mistakes and even better that you can help others through sharing your experiences with them. You were born with intelligence, but you've earned wisdom.
But, I want something from you - and no it's not an autograph and a head shot. I can get those any day. What I want is for you to be happy. That means that you're actively engaged, using your brain, and creating. You have to use those big ideas that hit you in the shower, or in the middle of the night, or while your bored in a meeting. You have to create to be happy. You have to create to make me happy, because I enjoy it when you do.
Write a book. Write a blog. Make a movie. Start a company. Think big. I'm your biggest fan and I need to see more work from you. I know they are not all going to be good, but there is so much to be gained from the simple act of doing. You can get better next time. You can try again even if you fail. You will survive criticism because you will always be your own worse critic.
So, once again - I'm a big fan. I need to see more.
-Jeff Current Mood: optimistic
|Tuesday, June 12th, 2007|
|Monday, January 30th, 2006|
|Heh. Athiest. No kidding.
I'm not so sure why the "Satanism" score is so high. Seems like there's a Christian bias to the poll. Good thing it's all ridiculous hooey.
| You scored as atheism. You are... an atheist, though you probably already knew this. Also, you probably have several people praying daily for your soul.|
Instead of simply being "nonreligious," atheists strongly believe in the lack of existence of a higher being, or God.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com
|Thursday, December 22nd, 2005|
|flavor of doom
of soccer fields and lime green mini-vans
the third set of potatoes mashed this week
or neapolitan plasma flickers on a wall
of candied-apple peach-vulva
or rather mocha
of coffee houses and nicotine stains
perhaps a martini in the dark
|Wednesday, November 16th, 2005|
|how to timeslice
One must first realize that the second is an arbitrary measure and any one period of time or another would have done just as well to have been described as a "second". Once that realization is made, it can be said that the arbitrary nature of a second can then be adjusted by an individual perception of the event of a second. Witness the ticking of a clock. It is a quartz clock and is powered by a small alkaline battery. Witness also a digital clock that is nuclear powered. It is perceived to beep in perfect sync with the aforementioned quartz clock. At some threshold, as the electrons spill from the battery ever more slowly the perception of sync will be no more and the sound will come as a beep, tick, beep, tick. Are any two periods of time to be considered less of a moment of life if the other were to have never existed?
It is my supposition that between the oscillations of each unit of perception exist the full blueprint for the moment that precedes it and the one that follows it. Beyond that, beyond the level of perception of time, time simply fails to exist as the illusion we accept. If that is true, each of our lifetimes can pass before us and be perceived for their own hidden meanings once all of our own seconds have passed.
|Saturday, October 1st, 2005|
|Friday, August 19th, 2005|
|Monday, July 18th, 2005|
|Wednesday, June 15th, 2005|
|the unyeilding depression
Being at the Apple Developer's converence last week devestated me.
First, the physical - I didn't take my inhalers with me, and the flora and smog-a wracked my lungs. Before the end of the week I was as fragile as Raistlin-post-Tower-of-High-Sorcery. Turns out, I gave my self a bronchial infection and the antibiotics are just now beginning to dig in so I can breathe and talk again. Feh. Oh yeah - and not being able to taste food is just another body blow to overall morale.
Second - Emotionally. It is still pretty hard for me to engage completely because I'm NOT GETTING PAID. Granted, while my health held, I was able to sit through the sessions, dispite my strong aversion to classroom like sessions. But, by the end of the week I just wanted out of the entire industry. I don't want to deal with Windows, Mac, Solaris, or any other piece of technology that doesn't serve to feed my own personal amusement.
I'm sick of API's and syntax. I don't want to learn anymore. i just need a fucking break. I've been eating, living, breathing technology for 11 years now and I feel broken by it.
Obviously, there is a ton of work that needs to be done and I feel as if I'm trying to split firewood with broken arms.
While I'm ranting, I'm entirely sick of geeks who lack social skills. I know that any developers conference is going to have those folks, but even some of my own partners have behaviours that I find difficult to deal with.
I know this isn't my-last-ever-chance to escape OfficeSpace-like cubeville, but it feels like it. My cube is shrouded in a darker, dingier shade of beige today, and my shackles are bloody from my raw wrists. Current Mood: discontent
|Monday, June 6th, 2005|
|NOTE TO SELF
study the reproductive strategy of female developers
|Thursday, June 2nd, 2005|
|Posting from the Widget
There's a new desktop widget that allows Lj posting from OS X desktop. Yay? Current Mood: sleepy
|Wednesday, April 20th, 2005|
|Motivation and Self-Defense.
I've put a little sign up in my banal cube that reads:
That's all it says. It's a bit of mental ju-jitsu that has all ready proven it's powers to defeat my innate self-defeatism. Stuart Smalley can go to hell. The more I read them the more I feel they are defining characteristics for me. Current Mood: enlightened
|Monday, March 28th, 2005|
|Public, Private, Friends.
Public, Private, Friends.
What an outstanding feature! It's like having your anonymity and eating it too. This might make it easier for me to post with more frequency and detail - that is if you count yourself lucky enough to be a "friend".
|Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005|
|Friday, February 18th, 2005|
|How many blocks per panhandle?
What is it about me that says to the random person on the street "please talk to me, I give a damn about your problem / product / cause and am just dying to help?"
Today my panhandle-per-block ratio was 1/3. I consider the people shoving gum and clipboards into pedestrians hands and faces to be attention panhandlers.
The last guy was a bum who tried to spit on me.
|Thursday, February 17th, 2005|
|I found my GRE's last night...
...while I was digging through boxes of of my "lost papers" in a fruitless search for the purchase and sale agreement on my second house.
The year was 1994 and I was fresh out of college. I hated school. I hated teachers. I never wanted to see another professor again and I was good with computers.
But I took the GRE anyway. My scores weren't too bad. My computer skills in combination with those scores were good enough to land me an assistance-ship in a grad program. I would have been in a Computer Science program and assisting the Education department with their IT needs. It was all set up - and I bailed.
I took a job with a technology company and I never looked back.
It's 11 years later and that path is closed to me now. Those GRE's expired. I've had therapy and at least I've got a clear idea about why I was so angry with educational systems, but I still can't sit in a classroom and listen to someone talk. 11 years in high tech has taught me that there is just as much fodder for disappointment in the corporate world as there is in academia.
Mostly I wonder what might have been. I wish someone would have helped me earlier, or that I would have had the humility to ask for help. I never felt that I could let someone help me. I imagined the penalty would be too great if they failed me.
I've reinvented myself again. I'm not the same me who made those scores. I wonder how I'd do now?
|Jeff Gannon should be Worse than Watergate for W
A hooker in the White House press room.
THERE WAS A HOOKER IN THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM! He was in the employ of GOPUSA.COM asking questions to the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
Details are here:http://www.intelligencesquad.com/id107.htmlhttp://www.americablog.org/
I'm not sure what is the most outrageous aspect of this scandal. I kinda think it is the fact that there are people who read Talon News and think that it is a "news organization" of any type. The truth is that "Talon News" and CNN have a lot in common these days. The entire war in Iraq is supported in press by a web of lies. Now, presented with nearly incontrovertible proof that the Bush Administration is full of lies upon lies, the Right can't even face a little bit of reality. Current Mood: angry
|Wednesday, October 13th, 2004|